Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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