Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
