It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize