How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I fill condoms, not promises.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
