After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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