Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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