Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

youre lurking in front of me

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(708): View more from Illinois

Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?

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(702): View more from Nevada

she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.

(702): View more from Nevada

now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too

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(420): View more from

I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.

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(734): View more from Michigan

He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.

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(214): View more from Texas

I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays

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(630): View more from Illinois

I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.

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