3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
