I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
