Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
