I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
