sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
