You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
