I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
