How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
