my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Couch. On fire.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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