sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
