I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize