I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
