I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
