I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
