I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
