Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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