seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
