i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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