I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
