oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She bit a glass in half.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I touched a dick in church today
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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