Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is Oprah even human
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
