not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
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He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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