She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
