One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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