i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
