this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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