He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
