there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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