Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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