shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
