don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
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So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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