My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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