she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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