dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
