what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
