i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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