Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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