i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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