this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
