Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
