There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
