i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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