She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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