Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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