This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
