Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
