kristin has been a bad kristin
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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