I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she peed on how many people?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
