Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
