Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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