Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
