so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
