We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
