I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
