just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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