whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
