I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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