Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
