Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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