I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
