She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
