2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
