saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
