there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Shame - the story of my life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
